Doing better. Dont have time to make a full post, but I just wanted to let you all know I AM doing ok. Made a doc appt, and had a LONG talk with Joe about things. I think I got through to him, and having a lot off my chest helped as well.

There are days when I wish I didn't even existed.

I think I need to go to the doc and get on some meds. I am never happy anymore.

Hey everyone. Thanks for all your concerns about my cousin Shane. He's out of the hospital now. They finally gave him a blood transfusion. The bleedings stopped and his blood count stayed in the normal range, or something like that. He still doesn't feel his best, but he's home and thats a good thing.


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Joe's b-day is this coming Friday. He's bummed out cos he wanted to have a bonfire like last year, but so far the forecast for Friday is wet and cold.....can't really have a fire if its raining and all the wood is wet. I tried to tell him we could have a little get together at our VFW. They have a full kitchen and cheap bear, plus dart boards and a pool table, and a juke box! But you know guys. He's pouting cos he can't do what HE wants. GRRRRRR!!!!

I'm a bit irritated at him right now anyways. He just HAD to go off to the bar. Thursday he said all he wanted to do was sit at home and "actually relax for a change" as he ALWAYS says! So, I made sure we got all our errands done on Friday, so we wouldn't have to go anywhere the rest of the weekend. Hurried up and got the house cleaned and next thing you know, he's off to the bar! Didn't even ask if I wanted to go until I got upset. No, I don't want to go actually. I value my lungs...kinda need them to breath an all, ya know??

It just really irritates me. I don't know. Maybe I am over reacting....he says he wants to relax...in fact, thats ALL he says sometimes. "I wanna relax for change. I never get to relax."

Me: "Joe, can you take out the trash while I clean the kitchen. Its over flowing."

Joe: " I guess. I really just wanted to relax for a change. I never get to relax."

Never mind the fact that he sits and relaxes before work. The first thing he does when he gets home from work is sits in his recliner and relax. On the weekends, he gets up, and sits in his recliner and relaxes..GRRRRR

Last weekend, he took Wednesday and Thursday off. Combined with our normal three day weekends, he had FIVE DAYS OFF!!!

And guess what? He claims he didnt get to relax, cos he cleaned the house.

If you consider taking out the trash and doing the dishes cleaning house.

He didn't vacuum, clean the bathroom or sweep and mop the kitchen...but he "cleaned" the house. And he didn't get to relax. When in fact, he played video games all day on Wednesday!

I wasn't asking him to clean the house top or bottom. Just straighten it up a bit.

I just don't get his whole obsession with "relaxing" lately. Its all I hear from him anymore.

I know we work long hours. For those of you who don't know, we work in the same place, though in different areas. I work in the office, doing data entry, and other clerical things. He works in the warehouse, picking orders and sorting and stuff. He has a hard, physical job. I understand that, cos I used to do it before I got promoted. But I still work hard. I am still tired when I get off of work. Maybe not physically, but mentally I am EXHAUSTED. Especially since we work ten or more hours a day. Most Mondays I go in at 930 and dont get off till close to midnight. Then I am back to work the next day at 930 and usually work till 930, sometimes later. The only days I seem to get out at a decent time are Wednesday and Thursday. And I still work 10 to 11 hours on those days, and sometimes I don't take a lunch or any breaks. I never take breaks actually, but sometimes I get a lunch. There is usually just too much work to do, and after 4 I am pretty much by myself, trying to get it all done. At least he has a whole warehouse full of people to help with his job. I am BY MYSELF! Then I come home, make quick dinner and take care of the rats and cats. Don't get me wrong, if I ask him to do something he will, but I would just for once like it if he would take the initiative, and do the dishes, or make dinner, or do laundry, or feed the cats, or clean the rat cage. If I don't, he will sit in his recliner, smoking a cigarette and "relaxing". I really hate that word now!

I know this comes across as sounding like I am unhappy, but I'm not. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. If I don't, I will just scream. And yelling at him doesn't help any. He refuses to actually fight with me. He will just get mad, and go sit in the car for an hour, then come back in,sit in his recliner and smoke a cigarette and refuse to talk about it.....*sigh*

My cousin Shane is in the hospital. Has been since Wednesday evening. He fell down and actually tore his spleen. He is in tremendous amounts of pain, so much so they have him on morphine. He is bleeding internally. They are trying to get him to stop without having to do surgery. Now, I'm no doctor, but if he is still bleeding three days later, shouldn't they just do the surgery? I mean, he's in pain. I stopped by to see him today and I could tell how bad he was. He kept losing breath mid sentence and every time he coughed he almost cried. Now, Shane is my oldest cousin and I have never seen him anything but strong and fit and full of humor. It was so creepy to see him lying in that bed, in so much pain. I wanted to cry!