Dear Grandma,
I can't believe that in a few days it will only be 4 years since you left us. I miss you SO much. It hurts so bad sometimes, especially these last few months. Mom says it was the holidays that has made it so hard lately, but I don't remember last Christmas hurting to bad, and I still miss you so much, even with the holidays over. I miss sitting at your feet while you brush my hair and tell me what ever was hurting me at the time would be all right. I miss watching spider or snake movies with you, and laughing at the way you screamed when one of them jumped at the characters. And Figure Skating isn't as fun to watch anymore, thats for sure. I miss sitting on the porch with you, watching it rain. I miss so much of you. I even miss your temper, and the way you used to yell at me when I did something wrong. I know you weren't perfect, far from it actually. I know that you were very hard to get along with at times. I try and remember the bad times so it won't hurt as bad, but it just doesn't work, because I would gladly take the bad with the good to have you back again. I know your last few years were hard on you. I know you just wanted to die, to give up. Mom told me that you said you wanted it all to end, that you were tired of being sick all the time. I know its purely selfish of me to want you back here, where you could't breath without oxygen, and couldn't even give yourself a bath anymore, but damnit, I want you back! I wish you could have met Joe, see me so happy and independent now. I think you two would get along. Hell, Joe gets alone with almost everybody. Even Grandma McClanahan doesn't have anything bad to say about him, and you know how she is. I can't believe I am sitting her at 130 in the morning, writing a letter to you, crying in the dark, but I've just got this overwhelming need to be in your arms lately. I miss you more lately, than I did when you first left us. I just don't understand it. Everytime something happens lately, good or bad, I think " I wish I could tell grandmma about this." But I can't. And it hurts my heart so badly. I know I will see you again one day, either in heaven if it does exist, or in another life, but one day I will be with you again, I just wish it was now.
Give Daisy Dog and Ninja Kitty and everything and everyone else a hug and kiss for me and tell them I miss them.
Love, Mindy
---------------------------------------
Everyone, I know this post was depressing as hell, but it was something I needed to do, something I needed to get off my chest. On Feb. 21st, four years ago my grandma Perkins died. She helped raise me and my brother, and while there were some very hard times, and she was very difficult to get along with, I loved her with all my heart and lately I have been missing her alot, as you can tell from the letter I wrote her.
Brandi, please don't tell mom about this post. She is going through enough right now without having her worrying about me, okay??
I'll be fine, I just needed to get this off my chest.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Pearl,
You remind me of my Holly. You guys have so much in common. I love to see the way you two interact.
I'm sorry you are missing your Grandma :(.
Big ol' huggarooney for you from me.
XXOO, Becky
Wow, Mindy, damn. Yeah, we do have a lot in common. On April 3rd, it'll be seven years for me. I've often wanted to write a letter like what you've written here. It seems that I can cry for hours on end, missing her every minute so bad it aches, but I can't get it out of me and onto paper. Probably would help if I could. I'm glad you wrote to your grandma. She's still a big a part of you, even though she's gone. I also wish my grandma could have met my man, and seen my child. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life, and yet there's nothing I can do about it, but believe that she's somewhere, watching over me, and is happy and relieved that I'm ok. Sometimes I think about Matthew someday feeling this way about me, after I'm gone, and it breaks my heart. There is so much LOVE, and where does it all go when we die? We take some of it with us, but the rest we leave behind, I think.
When we're kids, they don't tell us, you'll always have that "I want my mommy" feeling, no matter how old you are. They don't tell us that when they leave, we'll miss them for the rest of our lives. They don't tell us we'll feel like orphans. Ack. I'm crying now.
Sorry to use this comment to vent, Mindy. :) I'm glad you wrote about your grandma. It's good to get it all out, isn't it? If you ever want to talk, please just let me know girlfriend.
Love ya!
sending you a big Hug girly girl!
*sniffles....
Mindy, I tried so hard to sit here and read your post without crying, and it didn't work.
Damn, I miss her so bunches too. I miss Sunday dinners with her, and I wish I coulda enjoyed Notre Dame football with her. I loved our friendly banter over ND and Michigan, but now that I'm a Notre Dame fan, I woulda loved to take her to the Blue Gold game. I miss her laugh, her gossip, her love, and the look in her eyes when Eric fixed something for her. I won't tell Mom about *your* post, if you don't tell Mom 'bout *my* response to it!! She's definitly smiling down on you, full of pride. She woulda loved Joe to pieces, afterall, he wisked her favorite Grand-daughter off her feet! *Wink
I Love You!!
Love,
~~~B~~~
Oh sweetie, it is a beautiful letter. Heart felt and full of love and tenderness.
You are such a healthy young woman and I am proud to know you and call you my friend.
love, Lori
Grandmas.
Mine died in '99 and even to this day, whenever the kids do something especially, I just want to call her up.
Great way to remember her! I always believe the best people live on through memories, and we pass their good traits on to our kids.
And some days, I look in the mirror and SEE my Grandma. That's pretty comforting.
Anyway, wonderful letter. I hope you're feeling better.
I sure love my Grandmas.
Gonna give my other one a call this afternoon.
Post a Comment