Saturday, February 17, 2007

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

I can't believe that in a few days it will only be 4 years since you left us. I miss you SO much. It hurts so bad sometimes, especially these last few months. Mom says it was the holidays that has made it so hard lately, but I don't remember last Christmas hurting to bad, and I still miss you so much, even with the holidays over. I miss sitting at your feet while you brush my hair and tell me what ever was hurting me at the time would be all right. I miss watching spider or snake movies with you, and laughing at the way you screamed when one of them jumped at the characters. And Figure Skating isn't as fun to watch anymore, thats for sure. I miss sitting on the porch with you, watching it rain. I miss so much of you. I even miss your temper, and the way you used to yell at me when I did something wrong. I know you weren't perfect, far from it actually. I know that you were very hard to get along with at times. I try and remember the bad times so it won't hurt as bad, but it just doesn't work, because I would gladly take the bad with the good to have you back again. I know your last few years were hard on you. I know you just wanted to die, to give up. Mom told me that you said you wanted it all to end, that you were tired of being sick all the time. I know its purely selfish of me to want you back here, where you could't breath without oxygen, and couldn't even give yourself a bath anymore, but damnit, I want you back! I wish you could have met Joe, see me so happy and independent now. I think you two would get along. Hell, Joe gets alone with almost everybody. Even Grandma McClanahan doesn't have anything bad to say about him, and you know how she is. I can't believe I am sitting her at 130 in the morning, writing a letter to you, crying in the dark, but I've just got this overwhelming need to be in your arms lately. I miss you more lately, than I did when you first left us. I just don't understand it. Everytime something happens lately, good or bad, I think " I wish I could tell grandmma about this." But I can't. And it hurts my heart so badly. I know I will see you again one day, either in heaven if it does exist, or in another life, but one day I will be with you again, I just wish it was now.

Give Daisy Dog and Ninja Kitty and everything and everyone else a hug and kiss for me and tell them I miss them.

Love, Mindy

Everyone, I know this post was depressing as hell, but it was something I needed to do, something I needed to get off my chest. On Feb. 21st, four years ago my grandma Perkins died. She helped raise me and my brother, and while there were some very hard times, and she was very difficult to get along with, I loved her with all my heart and lately I have been missing her alot, as you can tell from the letter I wrote her.

Brandi, please don't tell mom about this post. She is going through enough right now without having her worrying about me, okay??
I'll be fine, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Friday, February 9, 2007

My mom fell down at work today, dislocated her left elbow. She's ok now, but I spent the day worrying about her. They told me to stay home because they didn't need a crowd of people hovering around. I wasn't happy, but I obliged them seeing as how this was about my mom, not me. She had a hell of a day though. She went first to Med Pointe, but since she got hurt at work, they wouldn't see her. They made her go to Occupational Health, who told her that she had two fractures and a dislocated elbow so they sent her to on Orthopedic Surgeon, who said that she DIDN'T have any fractures, so THEY sent her to the emergency room at Memorial Hospital, where she spent the next several hours with incompetent doctors who don't seem to know how to put a dislocated elbow back in place. They almost sent her home thinking it was back in place, but it wasn't so they had to call the doctor back in. Fast forward another 2.5 hours and she's finally at home, knocked out with pain killers. I'm gonna go see her tomorrow, make sure she is ok. I think she should sue, but that's just me. My mom is my best friend and I did NOT do well sitting at home while I knew she was in agony, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was so angry that she kept getting shuffled back and forth when she was in so much pain. How could they just send her away like that?? And why the hell did they think she had fractures?? They dont know how to use an x-ray machine?? *fuming*


I have this cousin. Her name is Michelle. We used to be close. I've talked about Michelle before. Her two boys, David and Elijah are my god sons. Elijah was born in December and I have yet to see him. When he was born I was sick, and continued to be sick well past Christmas. Before I go further, I should give you some back story. Michelle is a user. It took me a LONG time to come to terms with that fact. Oh, I knew she was a user, but I was just naive enough to think she wouldn't use ME. There used to be a time when I would do ANYTHING for Michelle, mostly cos of David, but I did love her a lot. We grew up together. Before my brother married my sister in law, Michelle and her sister Mary were the closest things I had to sisters. While Michelle was pregnant with Elijah she called me constantly for rides and other things. At first I was happy to help out. I mean, she was pregnant with no car and she was family after all. But with gas prices as high as they are we couldn't do it anymore unless she gave us a bit of gas money now and then. As soon as I asked for some, she stopped calling. I heard from her once before Elijah was born, calling cos she was stranded at the hospital. She was in labor but not enough for them to keep her there, so she was discharged and she had no way to get home, so we went and got her. I couldn't just leave her there. I didn't hear from her for about three days, when she called me to tell me Elijah was born. After that, I tried to get ahold of her several times to make sure she was okay and to see if I could see Elijah now that I wasn't sick. I couldn't get ahold of her. I left voice mail messages several times, and called my aunt Wanda, her mom, to make sure she was okay and to tell her I was trying to get ahold of Michelle. Still didn't hear from her. I finally got pissed and stopped trying. Then last week Michelle starts calling me cos her belated baby shower is on Sunday (and I'm just now hearing about it) and she wanted to see if I could help out with the games and stuff. Now remember, I havent heard from her since before Christmas, and now shes calling wanting my help. I didn't call her back for three days, letting her call me several times asking if I was mad at her. I finally called her back today and she answeres the phone: "finally, you called me back!!" and my reply was: "geez, and I've been trying to call you since December!" She claims that no one has the code for their voice mail and that she didn't know I had called. I know she has caller ID though. I'm not dumb. Then my sister in law called and we were talking about my mom, so I told her I would call her back, but of course she didn't answer.

I just dont understand how she thinks she can get away with using me like that. Out of all my cousins, and I have a lot, the only one that calls me just to chat is my cousin Brandy Marie. She just wants to talk to me, to chat about anything and everything. If it wasnt for David, who owns my heart, I wouldnt have anything to do with her. I'm not going to the baby shower. I will get Elijah a pack of pampers and an outfit and leave it with her mom, but I just cant take being used anymore. Maybe if she starts calling me just to talk, and not when she thinks she can get something from me, I will renew my relationship with her, but not until then.

My next post will be about the reason why I have a new blog. Its a lot like Holly's reason actually. Until then, Love ya all!!!

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Wow, its been awhile since I posted. Sorry about that, I've just been really busy. My moms party went pretty good. We actually managed to surprise her, which is almost impossible. I freaked out a bit on Saturday cos I was talking to her and she said she was hung over from the night before and she wasnt gonna leave the house. Luckily my dad made her leave. He said he had plans and to just shut up and get in the damn truck, LMAO!!! I took my camera, but I was so busy setting up, and cleaning up and just plain old having fun that I didnt take any pics....and thats not like me at all! I'm the picture lady damnit! The bitch that I didnt want to come was there, but she pretty much stayed out of the way, playing darts, so it was okay. All in all I think my mom had a great 50th birthday party.


Joe and I got matching tattoos!!!!! The pics are below. He got a dragon wrapped around a globe, and I got a tribal butterfly, and yes, its on my left boobie, but up very far. Let me tell you, it was a very long 45 minutes sitting in that chair with no shirt one while some guy, who is not Joe, was touching my boobie, LOL.....but thats okay, he was very professional and did an awesome job. I also got my eyebrow repierced cos it closed when I took it out for my surgery, which was weird cos I've had it out for longer periods before with no trouble....and boy did it hurt like a mother! There was scar tissue from the last piercing and he had to put the needle through it all. I cried. I'm not gonna lie about it. I cried, and I cussed and then it was over.....The first time I barely felt it. Just felt like someone pinched me. This time it felt like someone was pushing a needle through my flesh. Go figure. Well, heres the pics. Love ya all and all of you have a great day.