Things are going a bit better for me...work sucks, but then its work so it always sucks. One of the ladies in my department got fired for being rude to the customers, so I took over her responsibilities. Its a lot of work, more so for me because I am learning as I go and some of the stuff she does, no one knows the procedures for it, so I'm playing it by ear. I am also still helping in the computer room, doing invoicing and stuff sometimes, and that really stresses me out, but I keep telling myself, at least I still have a job.


My diabetes is almost under control. My sugar is never over 180, and while that is still a bit high, its waaaay better than it was before. I am feeling much better, have more energy and I am also in a better mood (most of the time). I am back on my prozac which helps. I have also lost 6 lbs in two weeks. I don't go back to my doc for another three months, and my goal is to have lost at least another 20 lbs by then. Hopefully more. I have quit drinking pop, and I sure do miss my mountain dew, but I feel so much better that its a pretty damn good trade off.

My birthday was great. I managed to not break down at turning 30. It was a close one though, when I checked my mailbox on Monday (my bday) and found coupons for huggies diapers. I turned a childless 30 and they send me Huggies coupons?? WTF??!!! I almost threw them away, but remember a great lady I work with is having a baby boy soon, so I took them to her. Figured she can stock pile before the baby gets here in August, lol...

I had to have my brother tell Sperm Donor to quit calling me, so I haven't heard from since. He called me 4 times. My grandma didn't say anything, so he either didn't tell her, or she understands.

I went to our VFW post for my party. My lil brother bartends, and my mom brought food and my brother made me a reduced sugar cake in the shape of a butterfly. It was pretty and very yummy. Friends and family came down and we sang karaoke and I checked out my lil brothers hot best friend and we all had a good time. Good food, good music, good friends and hot guys, what more can you ask for???

My sis Brandi took me out to lunch the Friday before my bday, to Penn Station Subs...very yummy...after we ate we just sat and talked, then came back to my place and talked and played with Molly. A very good day. I miss spending time with her.

So all in all things have gone a lot better for me than the last few months have. Now I just need to find me a sweet, hot guy to fall in love with, lol....

God I am so pissed right now! Last night my phone rang, and I didn't answer it cos I didn't recognize the number...they left a voice mail but I didn't feel like checking it at the time....this morning I got another phone call from the same number but they DIDN'T leave a message, so I checked the voice mail from last night and it was my sperm donor of a father...I couldn't understand the whole message, but I got that he wanted me to call him back....uh no thanks. Not gonna happen. I also wondered how he got the number, since after what happened at Christmas I didn't think my grandma would have given it to him....turns out my OWN BROTHER gave him my number! I am so pissed right now its not funny! He KNOWS how Jerry affects me! HE KNOWS! He has hugged me while I cried over him more than once! He protected me from the wicked step mother in Florida! I just don't get it!

My brother told me he wanted to wish me a happy birthday, even though my birthday isn't till the 13th...and that he misses us...if the bastard misses us, he would make more of a freaking effort to be a father, not random phone calls every few months, or hell, even every few years...

UGGG! I am even madder at myself for letting him get to me like this! EVERY SINGLE TIME! I just want to scream!

Went to the doc...did some blood work....im diabetic....luckily I am not insulin dependent at this time...my blood pressure is fine...waiting on the results for my cholestrol and tyroid...gotta go see a dietician...not happy about this...

also back on my prozac..upped the dosage though...right now I dont have much of an appetite..which is helpful...doesnt last though...trying to find energy to exercise...

thats all for an update now.....hopefully i will be motivated to do a real post soon...

night!

Just read Rains latest post.....it felt familiar....I too am getting back on some kind of meds...I have doc appointment on the 9th....I also just haven't been feeling physically good...very tired all the time...taking naps and going back to sleep a few hours after I get up from the nap....sleeping later and going to bed earlier....its horrible...I feel like all I do is sleep anymore....

I think my blood sugar is outta wack...I am dizzy a lot...having to pee alot...and I just feel weird....I know my blood sugar is messed up...my last doc put me on meds but she was WACKO...diagnosing me with stuff without any tests, so I dropped her....had to find a new one and it was HARD. No one was accepting new patients.....

I have been craving warm, sunny weather so much I dream about it....I dream of standing my back yard in shorts and a tank top with Molly playing...Its about 75 degrees, nice warm breeze, sun shining on me...I could almost smell the warmth. I don't think I have ever craved spring/summer so much before. Maybe its cos of all the bullshit going on in my life right now...so much stress, drama, money worries, job worries....health worries...maybe the craving for spring is just a craving for CHANGE of any kind. Sometimes I just want to lay down and go to sleep and not wake up until something GOOD has happened. Sometimes I just want to give up completely.

I am so FUCKING LONELY sometimes it's not funny. I have my roommate, who is great, and I have my mom and other family but they don't fill the void Joe left. Sometimes I feel so empty....so empty and lonely. I crave physical contact...not sex (though I do miss that) but holding hands, and hugging and cuddling....and kisses...I miss kisses...even the little pecks on the cheek...I miss em so much. I don't miss Joe exactly....just miss the good moments I had with him....I wish I could find someone else to share my love with....someone sweet, and goofy...someone not afraid to be themselves...someone that doesnt use drugs and drink a lot...someone not afraid to be affectionate...who is trustworthy and reliable...just someone....


Last Saturday marked 7 FUCKING YEARS since my grandma passed away....I miss her....


Now that I am done depressing everyone..I'm going to bed....

It warms my heart to know that there ARE people out there that aren't only thinking of themselves.....

TORONTO — Fishermen and a teenage boy from an eastern Canadian town rescued three exhausted dolphins that had been trapped behind drifting pack ice for nearly a week, the wife of the town's mayor said Friday.

Sadie May said the men cut a path through the sludgy ice in Newfoundland's Seal Cove harbor with their 18-foot trawler Thursday night, freeing the dolphins from an oval-shaped hole in the ice they had been swimming in for days.

Two dolphins followed the open channel immediately, but the third was too weak and tired, May said.

"He could barely swim about, the little guy, and the men knew something had to be done. A kid, 17 years old with a survival suit, jumped into the water and the dolphin just kind of attached to him and wrapped his flippers around him, like a friend or a mate," the mayor's wife told The Associated Press.

The teenager, Brandon Banks, helped tow the animal to open water, where it swam away, said May.

The 8-foot-long animals somehow became separated from the open Atlantic Ocean and had been stuck in the ice-filled harbor since the beginning of the week. They survived in a shrinking hole in the ice that was roughly 100 feet by 650 feet.

Residents of Seal Cove, a community of 400, were kept awake by the sounds of the crying dolphins and feared the mammals would die.

The mayor asked the federal Fisheries Department to send an icebreaker, but the department said none were available.

"In the end, it wasn't experts or the government, it was us, the people, who made the decision to rescue them," said May. "In Newfoundland, you don't think about yourselves, you think about others and this time, we were just thinking that we couldn't let these dolphins die."

The dolphins are regular visitors to the waters around Seal Cove, which is about 400 miles northwest of Newfoundland's capital city St. John's.

My cousins three kids (Briana, Ally and RJ) and my mom are coming over Saturday for a little Valentines party....Valentines Day is a hard day for me...not so much because I'm alone (though that does suck donkey balls) but because it was the last time I saw my grandma alive....February 21st will be 7 years since I lost my grandma....it is a little bit easier than when she first died, but it still hurts so much. Its kinda like the hurt platoued. (sp?) Its not as raw as it was, but it still hurts so much. I think about her on a regular basis. Maybe not every day, but still a lot. She helped raise me, and while we did have our differences and we fought a lot, I still loved her so much!

My living grandparents, my dads parents, are so fucking old it scared me. My grandma is 82 and my grandpa is 81 and they are looking it lately. It scares me so much to think of losing them too. And this time of the year it hits me harder than ever.

Anyhoo, the kids and my mom are coming over and we are gonna make cookies and pizza and goof off and have fun. I'm looking forward to it. Briana is 11, Ally is 10 and RJ is 7. They are good kids. They fight a lot, and can be a major pain in my butt, but they are good kids. A couple weekends ago I took Ally and RJ to McDonalds so they could play in the play place. Something so simple made them so happy...I couldn't believe it!

They take my mind off my problems for awhile and they don't even realize it. They're magic! LOL....

On another note, Molly was scheduled to get spayed today and the little brat went into her first heat yesterday. Now I have to wait 8 more weeks before she can be fixed. I have to keep a very close eye on her when I take her out to do her business cos there are two Min Pins two houses down that are NOT neutered! Those would be some UGLY puppies!!!

Well, I leave you with a cutsie pic of my Molly Moo Moo! She always makes my day brighter!

ya know whats been kinda irritating me lately?? its not anything serious, but it really bugs me...

this ebonics bull crap the young kids have been using lately...i mean, when i change the spelling on a word, its to shorten it...but whats with the way kids spell things lately??

my cousin spells stuff on her myspace page all weird and crap....baYbee for baby, yew for you...stuff like that... i am not a damn tree!...bugs the crap outta me...im constantly trying to decipher her messages when she sends me stuff....does anyone else have this problem, and am i getting old cos of it???