Saturday, January 26, 2008

Hmmmm, where to start??

I've been thinking about things lately.....something has been on mind.

I feel like I have failed a certain three little someones. Julie, Christal and Angel. I failed them.

Their mother, who unfortunately is my mothers sister, is a drug addict, lying, cheating whore. I mean the whore part literally. Shes a prostitute. In fact, she just got arrested for giving a man a blow job behind one of our local supermarkets.

I know she treated the girls badly. Their house was filthy and full of cockroaches. They never had anything. They moved around constantly, their father was in jail for conspiracy to commit murder for goodness sakes.

I called Child Protective Services on her once. Fat lot of good it did. They said they did not find any signs of abuse. Maybe she didn't beat the holy hell out of them or burn them, but she sure as hell neglected them. And she did hit them too much. And screamed at them. And she didnt take care of them or love them.

One summer, Julie came to spend the night and stayed a month. I wanted to keep her so bad. But I didn't fight for her when she had to go home. I should have. Why didn't I? I may not have been able to give her much, but I could have given her love.

Angel, the youngest is so beautiful now. I saw them at the store the other day, with their older sister...a younger version of their mother right about now. I hadn't seen her since our grandma died almost five years ago. Goodness, it will be five years on February 21st.

Angel has a bit of brain damage because Sherry, my "aunt" abused prescription pain pill and I'm sure various other drugs while pregnant with her. She almost got taken away from her, but she promised us she would clean herself up. So we all got together and cleaned her house and helped her keep Angel. The clean up act lasted about a month before she was back to her old ways.

Julie and Christal, from what I have heard, are already having sex at tender ages of 16 and 13. I gave Julie condoms. I don't approve of what she is doing, but I figured she will do it no matter what anyone says, so she might as well be protected. I haven't seen Christal in about four years, so I don't know.

I don't know why I am blogging about this. It's too personal, but I had to get it off my chest. Seeing Julie and Angel at the store, seeing Julie with make up on and clothing too mature for her age really kicked me in the gut. I should have done something more for them....CPS should have as well. Couldn't they see how nasty and disgusting that house was?? A concerned family member called them for help and they did nothing. Why?? Why did those three beautiful girls have to be born into a life where they have to deal with such horrible things like this...a mother getting arrested for prostitution for goodness sakes!!!

I'll probably delete this post tomorrow, but for now its up here. I just needed to let it all out.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't you dare feel guilty Mindy! You have given them love and comfort and security. They have always known they can come to you. Even if you had fought for the one girl, whose to say the courts would have let you keep her? If CPS didn't find anything wrong, the courts might not have also, and you never would have gotten her. Not your fault! Just continue to be there for them if they ask for your help. You are a great person, and you should feel this!!

Sassy said...

It's not your fault, Pearl.

You tried.

You can't save the world, honey. Just worry about you and Joe. You guys are just beginning your lives together! I'm sure the girls know you love them and that your door is always open if they need ya.

*hugs*

fineartist said...

Honey, you aren't much older than they are, don't feel guilty.

At least you tried, and you tried to help their mother too.

Child protective services will often times try to keep the natural family together at all cost, yes, even at the cost of the kids. I've seen it a million times.

hugs and love,
Lori

Holly said...

You little sweetie. I undertand that you feel bad about their shit-end of the stick in life. That's because you're a good woman with a very big heart. But like everyone else has said, you've got to know that you did what you could. That's a hell of a lot more than most people would do, even family. Just know that, for whatever reason, we all have our crosses to bear in this life. As long as you're there for them when they need you, you're doing ok?

Ok?

I love ya! And I really like that picture of you and Joe, too! I've been with my husband for six years now, and we've never had our picture taken together. :) I'm glad that you two did!
xoxoxoxo