Its been over a month since Joe and I split up. I think I am doing ok. I had my moments, and still do sometimes. Sometimes I get so flipping lonely that I want to tear my hair out and scream. I am assuming that is pretty normal post break up behavior. I have been spending more time with my mom and brother lately. I went to my moms for dinner after work yesterday and had a really good time. I miss that.

I realized the other day that I had withdrawn from a lot of things BEFORE Joe and I split....I wondered why and did some self reflection and realized that I did it because I wanted to avoid fighting with Joe after he got drunk. You see, Joe in an alcoholic. I knew that a long time ago. He knew it too and told me once that he was worried that he would turn into his father. I tried to support him, tried to get him into AA or something similar. He wouldn't do it. I had no idea what to do in a situation like that except try and avoid situations where there might be alcohol present. Which was hard as all our friends and family drink socially.

I completely lost my taste for alcohol during all of this. I would avoid going to see my fave local band, Forever Gypsy, avoided going to parties and events with my friends, just so we wouldn't fight. He never knew when to stop drinking and when I was ready to go, or told him he had enough, he would get mad and act like a fricking child and it was soooo embarassing and frustrating and scary. I never knew what to do, I couldn't calm him down for anything and in the end he usually got his way, or we had a screaming match and we would drive away squealing the tires on our blazer and stay away for an hour or so...so to make a long story short (too late, lol) I had withdrawn a lot. Its hard to get back in the swing of things. Saturday I went to a bar to see the band play and I was tense for a lot of it until I realized what I was doing. I was waiting for a fight that wasn't going to come. So I relaxed and started dancing a bit with my bar friends. It was nice and I'm glad that I was able to loosen up a bit.

I still miss Joe and probably always will a little bit as he was my first serious relationship and my first love, but I think I will miss the IDEA of what I thought he was, not who he really was deep down. Its going to take me awhile, but I am healing and feeling a bit better every day.

Lady GaGa

Ok, I am OBSESSED with this chick! I love her music and weird videos! Check out this one, if you havent seen it already!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCnAjel02lM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M65zI9LH-as

ok, try this one instead...for some reason it was showing puppies, but that was cute so i left it up, lol! thanks lavinia for pointing it out

spent the night in the ER last night....was there for HOURS!!! and the docs still dont know whats wrong with me...i went in cos i had horrible pain across my abdomen, my back hurt, i was running a very high fever and had the chills and was shaking...having to pee ever twenty minutes...thought it was a kidney infection or something, but i have no infection, my blood work came back fine...had a cat scan, it came back normal....my abdomen still hurts, but the fever is gone and i dont have to pee as often....no preggers either, THANK GOD!

they released me, told me to take the day off and get some rest, so thats what im doing....doc said sometimes we get sick and our body resolves it for us and we never know what happened...i think he was blowing smoke cos i was there for hours and they dont know whats wrong with me...oh well...i think im getting better without them....they did dope me up on some serious pain killers by iv and i slept for almost 12 hours...

-----------------------

joe and i have barely talked since we split...he came over for some of his stuff i got outta storage...i can only get so much at a time as i have to get rides to go there...i got him all of his winter clothing for now...everyone says i should just give it away or sell all his stuff but im just not like that...i feel i would be putting my self on his level and i cant be like that....i did confront him on the skankyhoe bag he's seeing...whom WORKS WITH US! he denies it but hes a cheating lier so i was expecting that...what ever..shes skanky as hell...everyone at work calls her a horseface cos shes ugly and has a really long face...makes me feel good that no one can stand her and they are disgusted with joe....

my mom is taking the blazer back beginning of november...said she thinks giving him a month to get another vehicle is more than fair after the way he treated me....im getting my permit saturday and gonna start driving it....i know i know..i shoulda had my license years ago but i hate driving....but i need to be more self sufficent blah blah blah....

bye for now

oh, and yes jess, me u and sassy definetly need to get together and party!!!

Yes, it's Over

Yes everyone, Joe and I are no longer engaged, living together, speaking, anything with each other. I really had trouble making this post, mostly because there are some people that read it that I don't trust or like, an I hate when they know my PERSONAL business. But I love you guys and this has been so hard for me, so I had to make a post.

Joe was cheating on me, or leading up to the cheating....he was texting secretively, going places with out me, then when I tried to call him, his phone would be off but of course, "I was out of range" or "my battery died" That one is lame as we have car chargers in the truck!

Well, I looked online to see what number he was texting, and called it from a friends phone....a number he doesn't have....naturally another woman picked up....I hung up and texted her, saying sorry, this number was on my phone...she got rude and texted back and her text was signed baby girl....well, immedietly they knew it was me and Joe flew off the handle and left me.....he is still denying he was cheating, and now, since we work together, things keep tricking back to me....he might also be having a thing with one of my co workers...dont know if its true...really dont care either....its over, he treated me like shit anyways and even though finacially it will be hard, I am better off....


And, anyone reading my blog that shouldn't be (you know who you are) can kiss my ass if you think its funny or whatever....karma will catch up to you soon....

Pink-So What

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na

I guess i just lost my husband
I don't know where he went
So i'm gonna drink my money
I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope)
I got a brand new attitude
And i'm gonna wear it tonight
I wanna get in trouble
I wanna start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
I wanna start a fight
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
I wanna start a fight

So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rockstar
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

Uh, check my flow, uh

The waiter just took my table
And gave to Jessica Simp- Shit!
I guess i'll go sit with drum boy
At least he'll know how to hit
What if this song's on the radio
Then somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble
My ex will start a fight

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
He's gonna start a fight
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
We're all gonna get in a fight!

So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

You weren't there
You never were
You weren't all
But thats not fair
I gave you life
I gave my all
You weren't there
You let me fall

So so what?
I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't need you
And guess what
I'm having more fun
And now that we're done (we're done)
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright(I'm alright),I'm just fine (I'm just fine)
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

No No, No No
I Don't want you tonight
You weren't there
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And you're a tool
So so what?
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And i don't want you tonight

Ba da da da da da

Had the house to myself for the first time tonight....and I had aaaaaaaaaaaa




BUBBLE BATH!!!!!!


WHOOHOO!!!!!!

Sorry, it was just so darn relaxing......now that I am all relaxed and fed, I'm kinda bored.....go figures huh?? LOL!!!

Lavinia posted this on her blog...hope she doesn't mind that I stole it for mine...it was too darn funny!!!!

DOG DIARY:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
2:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
4:00 pm - Licked a person's face! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Until tomorrow...
Dog

CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I
decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had
hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the n oises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must
try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced
that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe.

For now...
Cat