My cousins three kids (Briana, Ally and RJ) and my mom are coming over Saturday for a little Valentines party....Valentines Day is a hard day for me...not so much because I'm alone (though that does suck donkey balls) but because it was the last time I saw my grandma alive....February 21st will be 7 years since I lost my grandma....it is a little bit easier than when she first died, but it still hurts so much. Its kinda like the hurt platoued. (sp?) Its not as raw as it was, but it still hurts so much. I think about her on a regular basis. Maybe not every day, but still a lot. She helped raise me, and while we did have our differences and we fought a lot, I still loved her so much!

My living grandparents, my dads parents, are so fucking old it scared me. My grandma is 82 and my grandpa is 81 and they are looking it lately. It scares me so much to think of losing them too. And this time of the year it hits me harder than ever.

Anyhoo, the kids and my mom are coming over and we are gonna make cookies and pizza and goof off and have fun. I'm looking forward to it. Briana is 11, Ally is 10 and RJ is 7. They are good kids. They fight a lot, and can be a major pain in my butt, but they are good kids. A couple weekends ago I took Ally and RJ to McDonalds so they could play in the play place. Something so simple made them so happy...I couldn't believe it!

They take my mind off my problems for awhile and they don't even realize it. They're magic! LOL....

On another note, Molly was scheduled to get spayed today and the little brat went into her first heat yesterday. Now I have to wait 8 more weeks before she can be fixed. I have to keep a very close eye on her when I take her out to do her business cos there are two Min Pins two houses down that are NOT neutered! Those would be some UGLY puppies!!!

Well, I leave you with a cutsie pic of my Molly Moo Moo! She always makes my day brighter!

ya know whats been kinda irritating me lately?? its not anything serious, but it really bugs me...

this ebonics bull crap the young kids have been using lately...i mean, when i change the spelling on a word, its to shorten it...but whats with the way kids spell things lately??

my cousin spells stuff on her myspace page all weird and crap....baYbee for baby, yew for you...stuff like that... i am not a damn tree!...bugs the crap outta me...im constantly trying to decipher her messages when she sends me stuff....does anyone else have this problem, and am i getting old cos of it???

Remember how I said I was scared about what would happen next at work in my last blog??

Well they cut our hours down to 36 a week...its shitty and I am not happy about it, but I have to be grateful that I still have a job. If I get laid off, I have to move in with big brother and I don't want to do that....

Not only did they cut our hours, but for the next two months at least, I have to pretty much work at my old job. They shifted a whole bunch of crap around and we are only delivering product 3 days a week versus 4 so we are gonna be busier....I have to work 10.5 hours a day, 4 days a week...on the bright side I get my Fridays off back for awhile....

Life sucks sometimes. But I still have a job (repeat repeat repeat repeat.......)

Holy Cow! Its been awhile since I updated. I think that is the norm in blog world though...its been crazy hectic lately, because of the holidays...I'm so glad they are over! I don't think I would get all stressed out if everyone else would act at least a little bit sane. I don't understand why everyone is so rude and mean and inconsiderate during the holidays. They are supposed to be a time of joy, but everyone always seems so miserable. I just don't get it. Probably never will.

On the work front, they laid 7 people off and I am a bit scared of what will happen next. We also closed one of our small warehouses in Fort Wayne. I was hoping for a raise with my new position, but I'm scare to ask. Right now, I am just happy I have a job at all! Customer Service is pretty nice. It's a bit slow right now, but that works since I am still learning some aspects of the job, and it's easier to learn when things aren't so crazy. I know things will pick back up this summer. Maybe not as busy as summer time usually is, but I think things will pick back up. Hopefully the people that got laid off will get their jobs back soon. I still have to go back to my old job twice a week, at least until summer break. I don't care much for it, but again, at least I still have a job.

Money is pretty darn tight. Luckily Dustin's (my roommate) parents are understanding and very generous and they work with us. My gas bill was 200.00 this month and I almost cried. They paid the bill and we are making payments to them on it. I got my w-2s back and filed my taxes already. I am filing bankruptsy with my tax check. I have too many doctor bills and credit cards and I am tired of the constant calls threatening to garnish my wages.

My brother offered to let me move into his house, but I don't want to do that unless I have no other option. I love my house. It's small, but its on a quiet street and I have a large back yard and I am as happy as I can be here. Molly can run and play and she loves it here too. My cats are happy. They sit and look outside all day long and seem very content. I get along well with my roommate and while money is tight, we are making it work.

I am still pretty lonely. I have no life right now, lol....I work and come home. I play with Molly, surf the net and watch t.v. I miss Joe something awful some days, but then other times, I am glad he is gone. I guess that is also part of the healing....I wish that things could be resolved I guess. He won't talk to me about it at all....he just packed his stuff and left...like he was glad that I have him a reason to leave....and maybe thats true...maybe he wanted to leave...he sure could have gone about it a better way. He kept denying everything...even when I had proof of the drug use, he just kept saying it was a lie....and that the women he talked to were "just his friends". Its so frustrating because I haven't gotten any closure. He just up and left....no explination, nothing....GRRRR!!!!

Oh well...I know I am better off....wish I could find someone so I am not so lonely though.

Christmas wasn't too bad. It was a little skimpy this year, but I was happy with what I got. The important thing was everyone was healthy and happy. My mom got me a gift card and a new bed in a bag set. Its gorgeous and comfy and Joe never slept on it, lol...My grandma knitted me a very pretty, soft afghan that oddly enough matches my bed in a bad. Don't know if that was intentional or not! My brother got me Tales of Beedle the Bard from the Harry Potter series. Any of you who know me enough know I'm obsessed with Harry Potter, lol! My best friend/roomie got me Lady GaGa's CD, the Fame. I love her, her songs have a good beat and she sings the craziest things!

One thing that did happend that upset me was "Bio Dad" called. He called before I got to my grandmas house and I wouldn't call back, so he called me back. I didn't want to talk to him, but my grandma made me. This year talking to him made me cry. Don't know why. Some years I'm okay with, some years I get mad, and sometimes I cry. I hate crying over that pathetic excuse of a father/human being but sometimes I do. I told my mom I just wished he wouldn't call at all. He doesn't acknowledge us at all the rest of the year, so why bother just because it's christmas. Does it make him feel more like a father to call or something?? To me, all it does is show how pathetic he is. Lets ignore my childrend 364 days a year and only call them on christmas....I'm such a wonderful father!!! What pisses me off more is he is raising his Step grandchildren from his troll of a wife. How can he raise someone elses children and ignore the three he left behind here?? It baffles me, hurts me and makes me sooo angry!!! I've asked him why and of course he had no answer...

So, I gave him five minutes of my time on Christmas to cry and then I went back inside and had a good time with my family. He doesn't know what he's missing.

Merry Christmas!!

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and Happy, safe New Years!!!!

I had a pretty eventful week this week. Well, actually just the last two days were eventful I guess! I could tell something was happening, as my boss's office is right next to mine, and he talks VERY LOUDLY even when its a normal conversation, and my desk is up against the wall we share. He had the Human Resources lady in there, and kept calling people in. Some came out crying, or VERY angry. Then I find out that they were moving people to different departments. Ok. Fine. I didn't think they were gonna move me cos I have tried to move and tried to move to no avail. I was resigned to being stuck in my little corner doing data entry for the rest of my life. Well, at the end of the day I was putting invoices together and the boss pulls one of the ladies from customer service into his office. I ended with her being walked out with all her personal belongings, and of course a lot of crying. I was ready to leave a few minutes later so I grab my purse and coat only to find the boss and the HR lady waiting for me at the time clock. He says "clock out and meet me in the office." My stomach dropped to my feet! Then I look at my boss and see he's SMILING!

"So, since your smiling, I am going to assume your NOT firing me??" My exact words, I promise.

The HR lady bursts out laughing and we go to her office where they tell me that I am being moved to customer service starting December 1st!

Now, I am all sorts of excited until they tell me my hours. I will be working 830-7 monday thru thursday. I am used to working 10 hours a day, thats not a problem. But working till 7 at night during the winter?? It will be pitch black and snowy! But, I will get a raise after I am trained. They want to base it on my performance so I need to bust my ass! One other downside is that at 4 oclock I have to leave customer service and go back to my old job and finish it up cos the guy they are putting in there leaves at 4 for school. Now, I don't mind doing different things and helping out, but that just sucks donkey balls. What if he gets way behind and I am stuck there till all hours of the night?? Oh well, at least I didn't get fired, and I will be getting a raise in about a month or so, so thats good!

How was everyone elses week???